If you read the last blog you know that in April Marge and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. My son and daughter-in-law organized a party at the local fire hall and invited many of our close friends and family. As part of the celebration they made a video with many pictures from our years together. The video was looped and ran in the background the entire time. It was while glancing at parts of the video from time to time that I came to the stark realization that the fellow in the pictures taken prior to 1999 no longer existed.
At times, in the morning, when my nurse is getting me up I glance at the wheelchair as she takes it out of the closet and positions it for my transfer. I am constantly amazed at how large and bulky the wheelchair seems. However, once I’m in the chair that idea quickly dissipates. Recently, I have begun to accept my time in the wheelchair as normal and to take it even further I now feel free much of the time I’m in the chair. I believe it is designed to create the sense of freedom. When sitting straight up I see little of the chair and that has become the new normal, the new me. When my mind is occupied I often forget about the wheelchair for hours at a time. Then something will happen to bring me back to the reality of my situation. When this occurs I usually think “Oh my, I’m in a wheelchair.” This is a very strange realization for me coming after over 16 years as a quadriplegic.
Along with this new realization there seems to be a decrease in my physically active dreams where I’m pursuing activities I love without being hampered by any sort of disability. Maybe my subconscious is finally adjusting to things the way they are. What the implications of this are I have no idea, but it does make my time in the wheelchair a lot less stressful and it certainly makes enjoying life a lot easier. I guess that’s because it’s all behind me now.