I am happy to provide some heartwarming news about my nurse’s son Devin. He is out of danger and after about four weeks is out of the hospital. He had a strep infection which had entered his blood stream. It took a while for the doctors’ to figure out what was wrong because he was not stable enough to run many tests. His blood platelet count was so low fellow sailors were donating blood for him. Since he was unable to eat a feeding tube was inserted. Breathing was difficult so he was intubated. With this illness finally under control Devin left the hospital 20 pounds lighter. He will be on convalescent leave for two weeks while he regains strength and weight and then is expected to return to active duty.
Filed under: Community Inclusion, Education, Observation, Reality, Sensitivity | Tags: life lesson, lifestyle, using your mind
You can’t be a member of the disabled community without having asked yourself that question many times. Most likely there is no plausible answer, which is why we keep asking the question in the first place. When I speak to groups I am amazed that so many people believe life is safe and that we are almost always secure in our environment even though I believed that myself before my own accident; life altering occurrences were something that happened to others. A while ago I wrote a Blog entitled “Wishes and Daydreams” (April 2010) where I talked about my envy of my nurse’s son who was graduating from high school and entering the United States Navy to become a corpsman. Well, almost three years have passed since I wrote that and he is a corpsman stationed at a large naval hospital on an island in the Pacific Ocean.
Devin was home on leave in February and looked terrific. He’s just 20 years old, is a fine young man and a credit to his family and country. While here, he expressed concern for several of his buddies from corpsman school who had been assigned to the United States Marine Corps and sent to Afghanistan. Devin was concerned for their safety and felt he should be there, too.
Last week he was not feeling well but thought he was just getting a cold. Long story short, he is now in the intensive care unit of the hospital, seriously ill with an unidentified illness serious enough for the Navy to fly his mother and father to be with him. His condition is such that he is not stable enough to be medevac’d to the mainland. How ironic, his buddies are at the end of their tours in Afghanistan and coming home, and he is the one gravely ill. Why?
What a terrible reminder to all of us of the frailty of life. Most of us have already experienced it first hand and had the lesson driven home to us in an all too real way. To stress how precarious life can be, the staff at Craig Hospital, where I went for my rehabilitation, often refers to individuals without disabilities as TABS (Temporarily Able Bodied). We can reduce our chances of having major trauma by following cautious behaviors. The greatest daily risk faced by most Americans is automobile travel. The potential risk of being hurt in a car accident, like most risks, can be reduced by following certain procedures such as wearing your seatbelt, driving within the speed limit, not driving when your ability is impaired by alcohol or drugs, and avoiding behaviors which distract your concentration from driving, like talking on a cell phone. However, all the precautions in the world guarantee nothing. We are still vulnerable and often at the mercy of circumstances beyond our control.
I believe there are a number of lessons here for everyone from this situation, not just the disabled community. We must take time to enjoy every day. We should realize that our situations could still change in an instant. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, we should accept what has happened to us and make the best of our situation regardless of our own circumstances. Finally, we can stop asking why and just accept what is. We will be much less frustrated, mentally healthier and better off in the long run. It seems to me the best answer to the question WHY comes from Travis Roy who has said, “There are times in our lives when we choose our challenges and other times when challenges simply choose us. It is what we do in the face of those challenges that defines who we are, and more importantly, who we can and will become.”
Filed under: Ability, Disability, Education, Observation, Reality, Simple Solution | Tags: control, lifestyle, physically challenged, using your mind
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,800 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 47 trips to carry that many people.
Click here to see the complete report.
Filed under: Attitude, Behavior, Disability, Education, Love, Observation | Tags: adapting, control, life lesson, quadriplegia, using your mind
The CD player clicked off, and my struggle began. For months went from mild anxiety to full blown night terrors. I would thrash back and forth in the bed, shaking, crying uncontrollably and paranoid. They started bringing me out to the nurses’ station every night. The rehabilitation hospital even brought in a psychiatrist from outside hospital staff to evaluate me. As things got worse they had an attendant stay with me through the night. Nothing worked. I was so scared I would do anything, use anybody in my effort not to be alone. The silence scared me, the dark scared me and being alone was more than I could handle. When the psychologist asked me how I could combat this, I said to use meditation and imaging. I had used both very successfully in my life prior to the accident, so I believed these strategies would work. I was ready. Then the CD player ran out of music, clicked off, and I went berserk again. It not only continued when I got home, it got worse. I threw myself violently back and forth in the bed screaming, crying and threatening to throw myself out of the bed. My wife was not a rehabilitation specialist; she was a fifth grade teacher. She had no support group to fall back on, just her and her out of control husband. Night after sleepless night this went on and on. We entered into a frightening nether-land, both of us close to exhaustion from the crazed, sleepless encounters. Eventually I ended up at the local hospital for a mental evaluation. I began seeing a psychiatrist for chemical intervention. It did little good. Finally, to his credit, he admitted to us he’d run out of drugs and could do little more. He recommended a Sleep Study be done in the local hospital. After my night in the hospital, they immediately put me on a Continuous Positive Air Pressure (CPAP) machine and everything instantly changed the first night.
Recovering from a major disabling experience is a process, and it is critical for people to understand that. One of the doctors at Craig Hospital explained to my wife, that at first you will have more bad days than good. Then after a while the good days and the bad days will be about even. Finally, after another period of time you will realize you’re having more good days then bad, and this trend will continue as time goes on. After more than twelve years I can attest to the truth of this concept. I think it is hard for people in the early phase of recovery to believe that things will ever change, but they will. The other night I woke up at 3:30 am and could not go back to sleep. I sat up in bed, took off my CPAP mask and grabbed my iPad. I put on my headphones, hit the Favorites playlist and began playing solitaire. After several hours I started to get tired and, leaving my headphones on, laid back down and closed the iPad returning to the darkness. I was unable to sleep so I lay in the dark and was taken to a place of peace and tranquility by Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, Lionel Richie and others. It was hard to believe I was ever so terrorized by the nighttime.
Filed under: Ability, Attitude, Behavior, Disability, Education, Observation, Reality, Sensitivity | Tags: adapting, life lesson, physically challenged, quadriplegia, using your mind
How does one begin to deal with the devastating changes in lifestyle brought on by a catastrophic event? One of the techniques which can help is to look back over your life and find skills you already have that can be helpful. This is why, I believe, adapting is so very difficult for young people who have fewer life experiences to draw from. At 68 years old my life certainly seems to have gone quickly. I wonder how much longer I’ll live. Not only have I looked forward, but lately I’ve spent more time looking back. The pivotal point looking back was my accident in 1999 which left me a quadriplegic at the age of 55. In the past 12 and half years I have forgotten what it was like to walk, run, and bike or make love. Hard for me to believe, but true. What I do see when looking back are experiences which at the time seemed isolated and unrelated but today look like part of a much larger plan that was preparing me to deal with my quadriplegia and its impact on my life.
I grew up in a family where hard work and inner strength were admirable qualities. Before my accident, I believe the major influence on my life was my marriage to my wife Marge. Up until that point, my life lacked stability and purpose. As a teenager I was unruly, probably drank too much and had little or no sense of direction in my life. My love for my wife and growing family gave me a sense of pride and was the cornerstone of my new life. After a college basketball injury I had become sedentary, and with the addition of my wife’s good cooking and baking, I became overweight in a few short years. As a result of a scolding from my family doctor, I began working out again. By the mid-70’s I was running up to 30 miles a week, and shortly before my 40th birthday I ran a marathon. In addition to jogging I also, kayaked, biked, skied, camped and mountain climbed. As a result I became quite disciplined and health conscious.
During this same period I was teaching Social Studies and Health in a high school in central New York. I became interested in the teachings of Buddha and especially the Four Noble Truths. Basically Buddhism taught me you can live a much happier life by being satisfied with what you have, and that being materialistic can easily lead to much unhappiness. Also a friend’s wife, who happened to be an instructor in Transcendental Meditation, taught me how to meditate. It has been a tool which I have used ever since to help me deal with stress and anxiety.
A Project Adventure group challenge
teamwork. Participants are given the time necessary to collectively figure out a solution to a particularly challenging obstacle. PA taught me that failure should not be looked at as an end in itself but rather as an experience to be learned from and to grow. Also it made me aware that there are many different ways to solve a particular problem and it’s almost always possible to come up with solution if you are willing to commit time, energy and persistence.
2nd from the left
For ten years I worked on the summer staff of a local college teaching outdoor skills and then taking small groups of students on six day wilderness trips. One year one of the members of my trip group was a young coed who was legally blind. It was a wonderful and unique experience and gave me insight into a wealth of information which has proved very useful in my own situation.
As I look back over these life experiences from the vantage point of today, it is difficult for me not to believe that these happenings were part of a process that was helping prepare me for the new life I have experienced since my accident. It took me a while to put the lessons learned prior to my accident into my “toolbox”, but once I did, they became useful skills that have made dealing with the challenges presented by my quadriplegia a lot easier. So what life skills are hiding in your background that may be helpful for you to use in dealing with your own adversities?
Filed under: Attitude, Behavior, Education, Love, Observation, Sensitivity | Tags: life lesson, using your mind
I love the odd couple. It seems like they’re around all the time. Sometimes they can be a pain in the neck but most of the time they’re a source of entertainment and amusement. Regardless of everything, they are an ODD couple. She is older, blonde, about normal height and with a nice figure. He, on the other hand, is very young, extremely short, and is constantly standing on his tiptoes to look bigger. It’s obvious from their interaction that they are devoted to each other. They spend quite a bit of the day sleeping, but in between their naps they are constantly chasing each other around and playing. The games of tag are most amusing. She is quick as the wind, and he at top speed is still very slow. We never cease to get a kick out of hearing him run across the kitchen and computer room floors which have no carpeting. One will grab a toy and take off with the other in hot pursuit; often this will then turn into tug of war. The winner of the tug will then proceed to tease the other by parading around the house with the trophy in his or her mouth. She loves to get up on the bed because he is unable to do so; but it’s not for his lack of trying. He stands on his hind legs and jumps and jumps continuously getting knocked backwards onto the floor by the side of the mattress. Even though they nap much of the day they still sleep well at night. In the hot weather she sleeps under my wife’s bed, while he prefers to sleep on the bed. I’m sure you’ve figured out that the odd couple are our two dogs. The female, Foxy, we got from the County Dog Rescue Pound and is a mixed breed. The male, Bosco, is a Bassett Hound, and we got him from the SPCA about four months ago. My wife thought Foxy was getting depressed and needed companionship.
The Odd Coulpe Napping
Foxy can be a free spirit at times, and Bosco can be very stubborn. I love these characteristics and would never want to change them. The dogs are a constant source of amusement and love. Their daily routine keep us laughing and in an upbeat mood. Their love for us is unconditional. They flatter us with their attention and affection, and they bring much happiness and joy into our lives every minute of every day. When one of them sits on my lap, it makes me feel so very special and reminds me how wonderful it is to be alive.
Tug of War
While we are trying to teach this odd couple good “dog manners”, they have taught us a number of useful things: there is nothing wrong with being different, every day is a new day, unconditional love is wonderful, life is more enjoyable when you have someone to share it with, and it’s better to be happy and have fun than to be depressed and take lots of naps.
Filed under: Behavior, Creative Ideas, Disability, Education, Observation, Reality, Sensitivity
My situation finds me home more than ever before. In the winter, the temperature and snow depth keep me inside and home most of the time. Summer, however, can also be trouble-some. Quadriplegics lose the ability to regulate their body temperature because of several different factors. Warm to hot days can raise our body temperatures, and we are unable to realize it until it has reached dangerously high levels. It can rapidly cause autonomic dysreflexia which is life-threating. So, the result is, a lot of time we stay in our homes. I decided if I was going to be spending so much time in my house, I was going to make it user-friendly and reflect my personality, interests and lifestyle, both inside and out.
I have always enjoyed watching wildlife, growing flowers, being aware of the weather and having my hands in the soil. We embarked on a plan to draw wildlife closer to the house. Even though I was born in Brooklyn, ever since college I have always lived in a rural area. Prior to my accident we had always fed birds in the winter but now decided to feed them year round and try to bring them closer to the house. We placed a feeding station just outside the window by my computer. Other feeders were placed strategically near or on certain windows. We bought and I built some feeders and bird houses. The gardening boxes were located in spots readily visible from particular house windows. Different weather instruments, such as a thermometer, weather vane (including wind speed cups) and a rain gauge in warm weather or a snow gauge in winter were placed in close proximity to each other to create a weather station. A turkey feeder was put on a back part of our lawn. These efforts have all born fruit. Two of our garden boxes I plant in annual flowers which I can see from the inside and work in when I’m outside. The same is true of our four vegetable boxes. In addition to deer, turkeys and other occasional unusual wildlife, we have a great variety of birds throughout the year and are able to watch the young being raised and given early flying lessons. These areas also provide an opportunity to take many photographs, which I also enjoy doing. Inside, in addition to all the plants, we have many pictures of places we have been to and things we have done.
I believe making a living space reflect ones interests is more easily done in a rural setting, but there are things which I believe could be done to create this type of habitat in a city. Many bird feeders attach to the outside of a window as do some nesting boxes. There are mobile flower or vegetable window boxes which can be used inside or out. I also believe some city areas have gardening plots in nearby lots or on roof tops which you may be able to utilize. The point I am trying to make here is to make your home a more enjoyable and reflective place to be. Once again think outside the box, and make your home environment your very special place.
Filed under: Attitude, Behavior, Creative Ideas, Disability, Observation | Tags: life lesson, lifestyle, using your mind
Probably most of you have already experienced spring, but living close to the Canadian border it comes late. The entire month of May in New York State is spring turkey season. I spend most mornings from the time I’m up until noon (one can only hunt until 12:00pm in NYS) out in a blind hunting and enjoying the natural world. This year is an exception to that pattern. We have received so much rain this month that we are more than half-way through May, and I’ve only been out three times. Even so, I am still able to watch the earth spring back to life in front of my eyes. We consider ourselves fortunate to live in the country where the bleak look of winter changes into a light green and just becomes richer and fuller. The colors are not uniform but rather separated into the myriad shades of the rainbow.
Feeding Station
While I have not been able to hunt, I am still able to enjoy the natural world right from my house. Last spring I bought a Gardman Wild Bird Feeding Station Kit online for about $35. My wife put it up outside the window facing my computer. The station has a number of places to hang different types of feeders, and well as, a small waterer. The station has regular bird seed, nijer seed, oiled sunflower seeds, a hummingbird feeder and a suet feeder. The food varies from summer to winter, but birds are always around. There is, however, a greater assortment of birds in the spring. I realize how fortunate I am to be in a location to observe nature first hand. I glance up from my computer never knowing what I will be treated too. Talk about colors and hues, this spring I have seen a variety that includes: Ruby Throated Hummingbirds, Rose-breasted Grosbeaks, Cowbirds, Blue Jays, a Female Baltimore Oriole, Rufous-sided Towhee, Sparrows and Finches of all kinds, Downey & Hairy Woodpeckers, Cardinals (the color of the female’s beak is one of the most beautiful in nature), Mourning Doves and an Indigo Bunting. These birds differ in size, color, flight patterns and behaviors. How fortunate I am to be able to stop and observe part of nature’s world from my wheelchair every day.
Looking Out
Filed under: Behavior, Disability, Education, Observation, Reality, Sensitivity | Tags: control, life lesson, physically challenged, using your mind
I just finished a blog yesterday that has gone to my editor (my wife) before publishing, but now I feel guilty. How can I write about spring and the beauty of the natural world when so many of our brothers and sisters are struggling with the Mississippi River flooding and inundating their homes? Most of us with disabilities face daily frustrations that abled bodied people are totally unaware of. We can only imagine the additional burdens the floods are causing for individuals who are challenged. Whenever there are natural disasters everyone in the area is affected, but the demands must be compounded for members of the disabled community. We go on with our “normal” routine often not even thinking about what others are experiencing. Right now I am frustrated by my inability to get out because of the unusually heavy and constant rain we have been having in upstate New York. But I need to take a moment and put things in perspective. Imagine in addition to dealing with all your usual daily challenges, you were uprooted from your homes, perhaps permanently. Where would you go? What would you do? How would you survive? Over the twelve years of having my disability, my home has been modified to make my life easier and as uncomplicated as possible. Neighborhood friends are aware of my situation and keep an eye on me if I am alone. There are places I can go near my house to get some peace and quiet time. These things help provide me with quality of life. Think about being uprooted from this and going to who knows where and doing who knows what, wondering if things will ever be the same. At the very least we can keep these people in our thoughts and prayers and be thankful for what we have.
Mississippi River Flooding
Filed under: Attitude, Behavior, Disability, Education, Love, Observation | Tags: life lesson
Marge with Foxy and Bosco
Marge decided Foxy was lonely and needed a playmate. The debate went on for over a year, Marge trying to come up with rational reasons and me trying to put the folly of the whole thing into perspective. Given the extra demands placed on Marge by my quadriplegia, I thought it totally wrong to bring into the family another member who would require even more of my wife’s attention. Two weeks ago the scales were tipped in favor of getting another dog. Our neighbor’s brought home a second dog, a cute puppy which looked like a St. Bernard. Foxy when to the edge of her range and barked and whined. The decision was made.
Bosco
Saturday morning Bosco arrived. We were anticipating an adjustment period of days, if not weeks, but to our surprise it was hours. Foxy’s playful nature and maternal instincts quickly got the best of any reservation she might have had. I guess I could say the same thing for Marge. I must digress for a minute here. For several weeks prior I had been locked in a battle with Medicare and our secondary insurance company over a repair issue with my wheelchair. After a week or two I was totally frustrated. It was affecting me physically and mentally, and I was strung pretty tight.
Foxy quickly decided Bosco was going to make a great playmate and proceeded to test the theory for several hours. Finally, both dogs tired of the frolic and began to settle down. Marge picked up Bosco and put him on my lap. The impact was immediate. I could almost feel the tension leaving my body. The puppy grunts and his smell soothed my psyche. Talk about pet therapy! It was instantaneous! Bosco sat with me in my wheelchair for over a half an hour. Several times I drove around the house and he was as contented as could be. After I pet him for awhile my fingers began to relax and return to a more normal position. Check out the picture. Bosco accepts me as I am and neither expects nor desires any more. He tries to climb up my leg in an effort to get on my lap. When he is on my lap it is almost like being in a meditative state. One of the great things about love is the more you give the more you have to give.
Bosco & me
